You hear that a lot. And it’s cliché, redundant, and annoying as hell, but it’s true. Yesterday I found out that one of my closest friends lost her baby.
Riddle me this… Alcoholics and drug addicts who neither seek nor receive any prenatal care often carry their child full term and have perfectly healthy children. They don’t learn, they don’t appreciate their children, and they keep using. But their kids are physically dandy. My friend who has been there for me since the second I met her, has the biggest heart ever, and really wants a baby, lost her baby. That makes no sense. But that’s life I guess :(. Not cool, universe. Not cool.
But it made me think a lot. And yeah I’m upset, but when something like that happens, it makes you appreciate the people and things you love that much more. I love and appreciate a whole lot of people….
But on a happier note, today I finally got some of my mail that for some reason is still being shipped to my “father’s” house. My paycheck from working the last few days of the year at tech school finally came in the mail!!!! Hello money I forgot I had!! Not to mention, not only did I pick up an extra shift tomorrow at my job that I totally LOVE, but I also acquired a second job. Only two or three nights a week, but hey, that’s money.
All of this thinking has stirred up some more thinking, and some actual encouragement. I have four months until school starts. I’m working at a job I LOVE, and on Thursday I start a second job that should be pretty cool. I don’t need anyone.
I mean, emotionally, of course I need the select few I love more than anything on the face of the earth. But, in all other respects, considering all other people… I don’t need anyone. Other people are unreliable and usually untrustworthy.
I’m going to bust my ass the next four months, and I WILL get my license back AND get a car AND start putting money away for school, and I don’t need you or you or you or you to do it because I know when I need it, you won’t be there.
I’m going to earn everything I get, and I know that. And it’s better that way. No one can or will ever take that away from me. No one.
"Is it making you nervous? What demons will surface? They laugh, trusting their faith in golden calves. They crack under the surface. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Control, the worst of it’s over, the world on your shoulders gone, replaced with love. Now it’s safe to carry on. Control, the worst of it’s over, the world on your shoulders gone, replaced with love There must be some peace in letting go. You wanna stop, you feel like the ceiling if fallin. You wanna stop, you feel like the ceiling is fallin. You wanna stop, you feel like the ceiling is fallin. You wanna stop, you feel like the ceiling is falling……. There’s no need for this." -Jealousy Curve
selfieculturelevel9000 said: no, don't worry. i'm not suicidal. and definitely not after my best friend tried to take her life.
Hey, sorry it took so long to get back to ypuyou. Glad you’re not… sorry about your friend… I hope everything is ok. Hello by the way :)
yeah. It’d be cool. Not required, but appareciated. I’m curious about new people :)
eh….a girl can dream :p
So, I haven’t written in several days.
Friday was Mayhem fest <3. What is this, the ill-informed may ask? Why, it is an all day festival of loud heavy metal, half naked ugly people, half naked sexy people, drunk people observation, and mosh pits. Ohhh mosh pits how I love you so <3. My thinking was altered during Lamb of God, in a positive way, and I spent most of their set in pits, and part of Korn’s. I came out relatively unscathed, for once.
Rob Zombie’s set, however, was too engaging and visually enthralling for anyone to mosh. Seriously. I didn’t see a single pit. They were my favorite of the day and FANTASTIC! Hence the title of this post ;).
Saturday… Oh boy <3. You know your family loves you when they pick you up because you randomly call in the middle of the day, they let you bring and wash two loads of laundry, AND feed you, and are still happy to see you. Wow <3. I feel loved :).
Sunday and today? Oy vey. I LOVE my job. No, seriously. I do. Sunday was CRAZY once the band got there… For three hours, the two of us were working no less than five tickets at a time. The whole time I was freaking out, thinking we’re SO far behind, and one of the waitresses commended us on how efficient we were and that everything was going smoothly.
Then when the chef came back around quarter of 7, we were still pretty busy, but handling it just fine, and he just watched for a few minutes and went downstairs to do something. When the rush was over and I stocked everything up and put all in order, I went down to ask the chef if he needed anything else before I left since my shift was supposed to end two and a half hours prior… He told me what an great job Joe and I did keeping everything in order and banging out the tickets… Wow. And I LOVED doing it. It was great!!
So, I’m getting paid to do something I love, learn more about it every time I work, and gain some sort of confidence and sense of self worth? Um, cool!! I never thought I could do this. Sure as shit wanted to try, but didn’t think I could. Now I know that I can and I LOVE IT!!!!
Today was great too. Unfortunately though, I only have one functional chef coat, and one missing four buttons (one on one side, three on the other) and I’m too poor to do laundry every day. So, I just finished sewing a mismatched button onto an old chef coat I acquired from a friend, vicariously through the school lol so I have a clean uniform tomorrow. Win.
I’m in a good place right now :). I love my friends, my family, and my job. Yay <3
I’m so excited!! I’m on my way to Mayhem Fest with Sara <3, Maria and John.
HELLO MOSH PITS! Corset? Check Plaid tripps? Check Star and peace sign? Check
Tongue ring care… Advil? Check Alcohol free mouth wash? Check Baby food? Check
"Who is that irresistable creature with an insatiable love of the dead??"
Rebecca jammed a needle through a clamp hole, through my tongue, through the other clamp hole, and then put a bar bell through it and then screwed the ball on.
I drooled on her leg. It was kind of hilarious actually. I spend the next 15 minutes pulling drool out of my mouth with napkins. Barely bled at all and she did a perfect job. I am impressed :)).
I love it. And now I sit and play with her daughter :). I love them <3
So yesterday I worked 10-5 and then took the train back, Sara picked me up, we got wrapping paper and a card, and I wrapped Richie’s birthday presents on the way to his house… But I had fun with them :). Haha, I wrapped them all individually, and then put them all together and wrapped them again. Lol he opens it like “what is this??” haha!
It was SO good to finally see him and his family again. I haven’t in like three weeks. It’s feels good when people are happy to see me :). I love them all to bits yes yes.
Now… Off to work again 10-4, but let’s see… Can I reinstate my license, get my car fixed or get a new one, and get my tattoo all before December 6th?? :). Let’s see haha
fuckimalesbian-deactivated20100 said: Add me on facebook, love, Elisha Runyan. <3
Do you also post such fascinating tidbits on facebook as well? :)